Wednesday, 4 January 2012

A Little Self Reflection.

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I was walking around the shops a couple of days ago when I was suddenly hit by the realization that the new year had already begun. I panicked. Within a matter of seconds fear and anxiety consumed me and for the next 12 hours I couldn't stop thinking about everything that I was suddenly afraid of. 

My mind began to wander forward to a few months down the track when I will be going on my next prac. This will be my very last prac before my teaching internship and yet I still feel so inadequate as a pre-service teacher. I feel that I have been babied so much by my mentor teachers that by the time my internship rolls around I'm going to crawl up into a ball and die of embarrassment. I started thinking about all of my upcoming assignments, exams, the pre-registration test and the portfolio I'll have to put together and felt completely overwhelmed.

To make matters worse, I then began to think about all of the goals that I had set myself for 2011 but never saw through. Goals such as completing my assignments before the due date, getting a new job, making new friends and saving up for.. well, anything really. Goals which, to a certain extent, I could have worked at a lot harder but just didn't for some reason. 

You would think that being unemployed, living in a strange town and not having enough money to explore the place would have driven me stir crazy by now.. but that's not the case at all. 2011 went by so much faster than any other year of my life so far, in fact the months flew by almost as quickly as the days did. Sure, laziness may have played a part in me handing in my assignments at the last minute, but still.. there wasn't a single moment in 2011 when I didn't feel like I had something productive going on. 

So what was it that I was doing that kept me feeling so busy/alive? 

Well, there were a few things. Moving out of home was number one. Quitting my job and learning how to live on a budget was number two. Applying for jobs and constantly being knocked back was pretty much a year round occurence, but we'll just call that number three. Setting up and decorating our apartment was number four. Learning to cook healthy, interesting, recipe based meals whilst on a budget and without a food processor was numbers five through to ten. Realising that facestalking is both boring and unproductive and that blogging, inspiring others, reading the blogs of other like-minded and interesting people, interacting with/supporting the entrepreneurial community, and teaching myself graphic and web design to a standard where I am now confident enough to start up my own blog design service is actually a far more fulfilling endeavour.. Hmm, I think we may have found the answer.

So what are my goals for 2012?

My number one goal this year is to overcome my fear and anxiety. I've just had enough. I will achieve this goal. If not for the fact that I need to do so in order to become a better teacher, then because I want to be a strong and confident mother/role model for my future children.

My second goal is to see that my blog and my design service grow tenfold. I am adament that my hard work will pay off. I will take this as far as I can possibly take it, whether that be on my own, or with the support of those who trust and believe in me.

My third goal is to simply enjoy being in love. I will stop worrying about the future, and all the little details surrounding where our love is headed, and focus on the now instead. Because in the end, this is our love and our life together. How our story plays out is up to us.

Finally, my fourth goal is to remember that this life is mine, and that there is so much more of it that I have yet to explore. I will open my mind to new thoughts and ideas and try to figure out my true potential.

So what are your goals for this year?

4 comments:

  1. These are lovely goals :-) I wish you the best of luck!

    http://lovelettersandsnippets.blogspot.com/

    xxxx

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  2. @ Hannah: Thanks hun, that means a lot!

    - Felicity. x

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  3. You're a fourth year primary ed student! Me too! Where are you studying at? PS- thanks for following! x- Berni :)

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  4. Such a lovely post to read- really wish lots of luck in achieving your 2012 goals, and don't be hard on yourself about not completing all of 2011s, it sounds as if you were busy with some other big steps! xxx

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