Sunday, 30 November 2014

When the future feels out of reach.



Cluckiness. The struggle is real people.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I first started yearning to have a baby of my own, but I do know that by the age of 23 there was a noticeable ache inside my chest whenever the topic of children came up or I'd see a newborn baby or small child out and about.

This ache that I'm describing has grown much more profound since then, and it's a feeling that continues to grow stronger within me each and every day.

Some days I will be so overcome with cluckiness that it takes everything inside me just to keep myself from going to the shops and stockpiling on future baby clothes. It also takes a great deal of restraint to keep myself from constantly talking about babies with my partner, and as a result I often end up venting to my friends and family instead.

There is nothing stopping us from having a baby physically (that we know of), we are just simply not in a position to be starting a family just yet.

Being sensible isn't always easy though. It takes an awful lot of patience and a hell of a lot of strength, and the feeling of wanting a baby isn't something that I can just sweep under the rug.

I've always felt that I was ten steps ahead of my partner in terms of being ready for the next step in our future together, but then I'm sure he's always felt that I have been a little bit ahead of myself as well.

I am grateful that he keeps me grounded and tries to keep me focused in the present. I am a better person because of him and would never want to be without him.

Still, I am wholeheartedly ready to take the next step and find it hard to calm my heart in the mean time.

Any suggestions for keeping my mind off the future?

 
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19 comments:

  1. I was (or am I suppose) like this. I think since I got married the yearning for a child has decreased slightly and I put that down to the big life step of getting married itself. I guess I want to space them out a bit and I realise now that I'd love to do a bit of travel before kids.

    I still desperately want my own children though and think that being a Mother is one of my life callings. A lot of people have said I'm very maternal, so I hope that translates well when I actually have kids.

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    1. I'm hoping I will feel the same as you do now after we get married too. I used to obsessed with wanting to get engaged/married but we've been together for so long now that I've kind of gotten over that and moved on to wanting babies. It would make sense though that once we get engaged I will be caught up in the excitement of it and planning our wedding etc. and so babies won't be taking up all of my thoughts.. I just need to find a way to keep my mind occupied until he pops the question I guess - yet another thing that seems to be taking forever. x

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    2. The engagement/wedding seemed to take forever for us too as S wasn't ready. Then we got engaged and married three months later haha. I want to be married at least a year before we try for kids, but maybe longer since my Bestie gets married next September and I am a bridesmaid - I don't want to be pregnant at her wedding!

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    3. How long were you and S together before he proposed? I'm about to go check out your blog and have a read through to see if I can spot some wedding posts. :P I think waiting at least a year sounds like a good idea. As long as I'm pregnant by the time I'm 30 I'll be a very happy lady. :)

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    4. He proposed on our seven year anniversary. So, we were together a long time which made the short engagement ok. In saying that, people thought we were having a quick wedding because I was hiding a pregnancy haha

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    5. That's really sweet. :) I'd be over the moon if B proposed to me on our seven year anniversary (it will be our six year anniversary this coming new years eve). So hint hint if you happen to be reading B. ;)

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  2. Oh Felicity :( i wish i had this problem ! I feel the exact opposite, in fact i sit around think of ways to delay having a baby as long as i can. I suppose the things i think of that stop me from wanting to start a family are money, wanting to progress in my career, wanting to travel, not liking commitment, being scared i wont know what to do with him/her, enjoying life in the present & just generally not feeling read !

    I think you should embrace the feelings you have ! Once you have the chance to start a family, it will only make it all the more special knowing just how MUCH you wanted it, maybe you could start writing in a journal to get the thoughts out of your head ?

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    1. Thanks Lauren - writing a journal is a great idea! :)

      Money and career progression are the two main reasons why we're not ready for babies yet (or a wedding for that matter), but I've known people to start a family with much less than what we have currently and they've been perfectly happy.. and I feel that's where I'm at right now.

      I really have no aspirations in life other than to raise a family haha!

      xx

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  3. This is how I feel about being in a relationship. My friends are getting engaged, married, and having kids and I would love all of those, but I'm not ready for a relationship. I feel that I still have a lot of things to figure out on my own before I involve another person. I wish I could say that I know how to deal with it, but unfortunately, I don't :\ Sometimes, i do vent to my best friend.

    Aissa // tea in january

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    1. That's totally understandable. :) For me personally though I don't think there was ever going to be a perfect time for me to be in a relationship, at least not if I wanted to figure myself out first. I've actually learnt so much more about myself and what I want in life whilst being with my partner, which is probably why I'm not afraid to take the next steps in our relationship. x

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  4. I wish I could be ready for a baby but right now I'm so focused on building a career so that I'm more than financially stable and could raise a baby the right way. But that's just me - and I'm a planner that way. I know tons of people who had a baby otherwise and are totally doing well. So it really depends on the person. It'd be so much easier if the guys could just have the babies. lol

    TIFFANYXOXO.COM

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    1. I sometimes wish that I was more career focused myself - maybe then I wouldn't be thinking about having a baby all the time. Having a great career has never really been my dream though. I just want to be a stay at home Mum, with a part time job on the side so that I don't need to rely on my partner for pocket money. :P x

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  5. Felicity, I can tell you would make a wonderful mother. It sounds like you and your partner balance each other out. It is good to be prepared and plan ahead, but it can be difficult to be patient sometimes. I hope the future brings you everything you dream of - whenever it is meant to happen :-)

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    1. Thank you so much for saying that. That actually means a lot. :) I can tell that you will be a wonderful mother as well, and have no doubt that great things are about to come your way! xx

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  6. It's funny because I don't even see kids in my future but that's just because there's so much I still want to do and see. I'd say that maybe getting hooked on a tv show or book series would be a good way to take your mind off things. Oh, and make sure there are no baby stuff involved in neither hahahaha. Also trying something new out, like cooking, sport, instrument, anything really. Or set goals, even baby related. Like how would you want your future childs room to look like, what school will he/she attend, will he/she be involved in any after school activities? What kind of life do you want your future baby to have? How much of an income do you and your partner need for it all to be possiable? Hope this some how helps! Kisses :*

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    1. Thanks for the advice Paula. Do you happen to know of any good tv shows that don't have children in them? Most of the tv shows and even youtubers I watch have children so I'm constantly being reminded of what I don't have. :P Whilst your other idea sounds fun, I think it might have the opposite effect and my partner would think I was crazy haha! x

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    2. hahahahaha ok so forget the other idea. I don't know what kind of TV shows and movies you're into but I watch a wide variety, heres a list of the ones I enjoy:

      Vampire Diaries (if you're into the whole vampire fictional thing)
      The Originals (same as above)
      Revenge (the name speaks for itself hahaha)
      Marvels Agents of SHEILD (comic book based)
      The Big Bang Theory (comedy)
      Two Broke Girls (comedy)
      Mom (comedy)
      Modern Family (comedy)

      This just made me realize that I'm quite a TV show junkie!

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    3. Thanks for the awesome list hun. I like a wide variety of shows as well so this is perfect for me. :) Funnily enough even Modern Family and The Big Bang Theory makes me clucky (don't ask why.. I don't even know!). I definitely need to check out some of these! xx

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    4. Modern family I could understand but Big Bang Theory?! hahahahah that's funny!

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Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment! I really appreciate it. :)