Well, it's official. Earlier this month, on Saturday the 4th of June to be precise, I ended my seven and a half year relationship with 'B'. It was a long time coming, and when I say that "I" ended it, it was definitely more of mutual agreement, but it was still the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life.
I won't go into too much detail in this blog post as the whole situation is still very raw for me, but I will definitely do more posts on the subject once I've had time to reflect and learn from the whole experience.
Presently I am going through the five stages of grief, in no particular order. Most of the time the stages seem to overlap. Currently I am feeling a little bit of anger but not too much. I feel like I could get quite angry in the upcoming months though. I was going through a stage of denial, and still am a little bit, but at the same time I feel like I accepted the situation from the moment the relationship ended.
Basically I just feel like I need to find myself again. I'm going to be honest though, don't be surprised if I'm in a new relationship by the end of the year. There are definitely things about myself that I need to work on, but being a romantic soul isn't one of them. I feel like I was put on this earth to love, be loved, and to spread positivity. I haven't felt truly "loved" in a really long time. I deserve to experience love again.
At the moment I am still living in Townsville in the same house as B. I have been trying to apply for a transfer through work but it is proving a little difficult at the moment. As soon as the transfer goes through however I will be moving back home to Brisbane to live with my family until I can get back on my feet. Fortunately B and I have been very civil with each other and he will be helping me out with the cost of moving and giving me my fair share in terms of furniture, etc. I am very grateful for this as I have heard some shocking stories from others about their less than civil breakups. As for the dogs, they will be coming with me. It breaks my heart to take them both away from their "daddy" but I couldn't bare to separate them from one another, so it only makes sense that they would both come with me. Hopefully he can come to visit them ocassionally when he's down in Brisbane to visit friends and family.
Hmmm.. what else?
Aside from the obvious emotional turmoil we've both been going through, it has been really difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that I have to leave this home and "family" that we have made for ourselves. Security is a really big deal to me and now I feel like everything is up in the air. Sure, I get to go and live with my family for a while, but given that my family already has two dogs, that isn't going to last forever with four crazy mutts in the house. So unless I can finally find full time work, I'll most likely need to move in with a housemate. The thought of doing this, especially with two dogs in toe, is incredibly daunting to me and gives me a huge amount of anxiety. I've been trying not to think too far ahead for this reason. So my plan is to wait until I hear about a transfer, then pack everything up and arrange to move as soon as possible. I don't see the point of packing anything until I know when I'm moving as seeing clutter and boxes around me only makes me feel more anxious. I'm hoping that if the universe can time things for me perfectly I'll be moving back to Brisbane in the last week of July. Two of my besties have offered to fly up and make the 18 hour drive back down with me and the dogs, which would be absolutely perfect!
I guess I will leave things there for now. If you have any questions feel free to leave them in the comments, or send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and I will get back to you as soon as I can. If any of you have been through a breakup in recent years and have a positive story to tell about what happened afterwards I would LOVE to hear from you. I really need to hear stories like those right now. :)
P.s. If you could keep breakup related comments off my social media for the time being that would be wonderful. I haven't shared the news with everyone yet and would rather they hear it from me personally. x